Red, white and boooooooo

A reminder that it's Thursday, and thus another night of TweetNA. In case you didn't follow The Laugh Twins on Twitter during the broadcast of TNA Impact, just head on over to our page, start your DVR (because we know you recorded it) and read along!

Now, sticking with our glut of TNA news, this interesting piece traveled across the wrestling wires today. Hulk Hogan and his friend Brian "Nasty Boy" Knobs were guests on the Bubba the Love Sponge radio program, as they tend to do. After all, what else are they up to? During the show, Bubba called up current TNA World Champion Kurt Angle, and the group chatted a bit.

Hogan suggested the he come to TNA and work an angle with Angle (tee hee), in which Kurt would eventually don America's colors again and turn face. We're not sure if this would involve a match, but one could only imagine what that would be like.


Kurt agreed that it would be a good idea.


The duo got so worked up about the idea, they tried to call TNA president Dixie Carter to pitch the idea to her. Her answering machine picked up the phone instead. Fellas, it's not that she wasn't in; she just saw the caller I.D.

While Kurt was on the phone, he and Hogan also took a little time to talk women...





You know (TM), on second thought, please put these two together for us, TNA. We'd have something to write about for the next year.

Scout's honor

Times are tough. These next few years could be the most important of our short lives, as we decide our planet's future. Now, more then ever we need to look towards a model of American ideals. Someone who encompasses intelligence, intensity, and integrity.


No, not Kurt Angle. He's a bit...preoccupied at the moment. No, we need new heroes. We need men to take us forward. We believe we have found this man. He hails from Smalltown, USA. He is "The Man Scout" Jake Manning.

We don't think those are uniforms trunks though...

Armed with only his canteen and trusty Scout guidebook, Mr. Manning yearns to bring back civil service and nature preservation to this wonderful world of ours. He is the head and founder of the Man Scout organization, making him immediately more accomplished then 99% of professional wrestlers. Still, don't take our word for it.







And of course, if someone won't be the Good Samaritan that he is, well, the Man Scout will have to work that much harder to get his message across.



So where can one find the Man Scout? Well, he's a bit of an elusive character. He mostly resides in the east coast independent wrestling scene (further proving that LOL, Wresslin' is the preeminent professional wrestling comedy blog on the net, since we cover the indys now), but we like to think that he lives everywhere in our hearts. His example lives on through his Youtube page and official website Myspace. Feel free to drop us a line, Man Scout. We'd love to get some more in depth information from you and your ideals. Also, you'll need to bust out the thread and needle, since we've decided to give you quite the honor. Yes, it's true. For the second week in a row we're giving out the BFG. Enjoy your Seal of Awesomeness merit badge!

W.W.W. featuring Kurt Angle/Tazz and The Hogans

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Mystery Science Theater 3000-esq alternate commentary of Steamboat/Savage from Wrestlemania III ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

(Note: Matt is taking the week off, so our counter-part from across the pond, Ray of Wrestlegasm, is filling in this week.)


Adam's video to Ray- Tazz vs Kurt Angle (Tazz's WWF debut)



Ray's response...

After spending last Wednesday in delightful Dallas, it was time to hop on a plane and make my way to glamorous New York so that Adam could hand-deliver my video for this week. How did he hand-deliver a YouTube video? Shut up! You’re spoiling it! My love affair with New York City goes back some way, and was fully consummated when I visited for the first time in 2001 (pre 9/11). It then grew in to a borderline obsession. Despite a short MTV fueled fascination with LA, New York City has always been my number one place on the map.

Speaking of NYC, my video was cram-packed full of New Yorkers. (See what I did there?) Last week’s video didn’t require much thinking time on my part. It involved CM Punk and cheerleaders. Two of my favourite things in the whole world. Piece o’cake. Being the hard task-master he is, Adam forced me to do some actual research this week.

I had been watching wrestling for about two years in 2000, which means I was probably so fixated on The Rock when this took place, I didn’t pay much attention to it. But I have got a vague memory of this, mainly because the crowd were so bloody hostile towards Kurt Angle. New Yorkers – notoriously the most demanding and

hard-to-please sports fans on the planet.

I remember not really knowing who Tazz was. This was his WWE debut. ECW was almost impossible to catch on TV over here ten years ago. Yes, kids, there was a time when Vince didn’t own everything and download torrents didn’t exist. What a backwards age it was! But what I did figure out very swiftly after Tazz’s introduction to the mainstream was that he was the real deal. The shit. The dog’s bollocks. I didn’t know much about ECW, but I knew it was badass.

I never cared much for Kurt Angle. I know he was supposed to be dorky, but he always felt a little too ‘real dork’ for me. And when he started following Stephanie McMahon around like a lost little lamb, he crossed over in to creepy-town. There’s nothing more endearing than when a man uses a friendly hug to feel you up, right ladies?

Although, it was fun watching Triple H do the whole git-yo-hains-offa-mah-womin routine.

That being said, I’ve got a lot of admiration for Angle in this video. As someone who also came up against New York City and lost (I’ll save that story for another day) it takes a lot of guts to stand in front of some 20,000 people jacked-up on Essence-de-Brooklyn and stay cool, calm, collected and composed. I’ve got to be honest, despite fighting a good Internet war, faced with this angry mob, I’d probably burst in to tears and wait for whichever wrestle-hunk who felt sorry for me to let me cry on his shoulder. But not Kurt. He stood strong and proud. What a hero! An American Hero, no less.

Ok, so it wasn’t quite as rough as when John Cena put himself in the line of fire against RVD on ECW. That was some hardcore hostility. But still, a big Glastonbury Festival style cheer for Kurt’s stellar efforts.

And just to keep my reputation for inconsistency and flip-flopping alive, seriously, how amazing were that crowd? Thanks to the current PG rating on Raw and Smackdown, you just don’t get that kind of fire these days. And as a girl who loves her contact sports and has a healthy thirst for controlled violence, I think it’s a damn shame.

There I was, watching this video, trying to place it in some sort of wrestling timeline in my mind, when Tazz’s entrance music started playing. And as the heart monitor beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeped, I felt a little crunch of excitement behind my ribs, like…. NOW IT’S ON. If wrestling ever stops giving me those tingly feelings in my chest, I’ll quit. For good. And that’s not a Ric Flair-esque ‘for good.’ I actually mean it.

Ray's video to Adam- The Pulse: December 16th, 2006



Adam's response...

In the hierarchy of broadcasting, free city newspaper supplemental Youtube show ranks just above "high school morning PA announcements" and just below "Armed Forces' Radio Network." Still, we all have to start somewhere, and I suppose even Columbus, Ohio should get a fair shake (although Scott Steiner would say different). Time to put that electronic media degree to work...

So The Pulse opens with John Ross, an "Alive Reporter." Well that's good to know although after watching this video I sincerely hope Mr. Ross was the opposite. I mean, as cool as a zombie reporter would be, I don't think I'm ready for the apocalypse just yet. You know (tm), Old Testament. Real wrath of God type stuff. Fire coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

Oh, the show is called The Pulse because it's a complement to "alive", the newspaper.



Anyway, do you know (tm) how you can tell if someone is a bad writer? No, not if he writes for the Columbus Alive. It's if he speaks in a very writerly way. His entire life is sprinkled with some prose dust just so he can subtly remind you that he has, in fact, read Wuthering Heights AND One Hundred Years of Solitude. And that was just for his thesis! You should see the off beat, indie stuff in his bookshelf! John Ross is one of these assholes. He calls Brooke Hogan "fetching." I'm going to avoid the obvious joke and just center in on Mr. Ross here. Fetching? Seriously? I know it's not journalistically responsible to say "bangable" or "stupid", but you could go with a less awful word. How about "charming" or "charismatic"? Those are nonsense words which won't make you sound like a John Ross douche.

Oh, and he called the Lewis Center Walmart a "noted local hot spot." I sincerely hope that was some form of writerly irony, because if that was serious you really should go kill yourself. Kill yourself because you thought that was a good intro, or kill yourself because it's true. I really don't care. Just die face first in a puddle.

Thankfully he kicks it to the other Brooke, field entertainment reporter Brooke Williams.

I'd totally hit that

More writer exaggeration right out of the get go as Ms (I hope!). Williams describes the autograph signing as "pandemonium"

Above: A small gathering

Let's check out the dictionary definition of pandemonium:

pan⋅de⋅mo⋅ni⋅um

  [pan-duh-moh-nee-uhm]

–noun

1.	wild uproar or unrestrained disorder; tumult or chaos.

2.	a place or scene of riotous uproar or utter chaos.

3.	(often initial capital letter) the abode of all the demons.

4.

Hell

Ok, definition four certainly applies. It is Walmart after all. Please continue.

Still, let's take a look at this pandemonium shot again.

See if you can find the hidden secret. Leave comments! Winner gets a prize!

It's just sloppy, and not just because of the slob on the right. No it's sloppy because we hear Ms. Williams give a camera direction right before they cut. You mean to tell me they couldn't have used some other footage. They were afraid they'd go long on an interview with Brooke Freakin' Hogan and needed to conserve as much tape as possible?


To continue the stupidity, Ms. Williams speaks to the fans. Well, not so much as speaks as much as they grunt out syllables. Here's a priceless exchange.

Brooke Williams: So uh...you're here to meet Hulk...would you say you're Hulkamaniacs?

Slack-jawed Yokels: No

And thus, you have now heard every first date I've ever been on.

At least one guy dressed appropriately

Ms. Williams continues on to interview more yokels, only this time they're famous yokels! The Hogans, brother! She asks some hard hitting questions, like how likely is a duet between father and daughter. Brooke gives the diplomatic answer of "Only if he plays bass" which is a smart move considering this bad boy, and Hulk gives the smarter answer of "Only if she wants to end her career." This can attest to Hulk's singing ability. Of course, three years later Brooke and Hulk must have recorded a duet, because that's the only explanation for her current success.

Then they segue into talking about Brooke's new albu..zzzzzzzz

I take back my previous "I'd hit that" comment

That's it for the wrestling segment, but I'd be remiss if I did not mention the closing part of this news broadcast; Hardwire, all about the, you guessed it, local music scene. Because that makes so much sense to name a live music segment after electronic hardware. It's hosted by some dork named Chris Deville. I assume that's how it's spelled since he's apparently not good enough for his own name graphic.

You're a nothing and you will forever remain a nothing

Here's a little fashion tip for the fellas out there. You might want to listen (read?) up, becasue I'm a pretty snazzy dresser and a fantastic dancer to boot. Don't ever wear a tie without a jacket. Seriously. You look like a chubby kid when you do this. And you look poor. I'm no classist, but yea, you look poor. If you don't own a jacket, don't wear a tie. It's that simple.

You know (tm) what, The Pulse? Don't even bother. I hate you so much that you're all hopeless. You know (tm) what my wish is? My deepest of all wishes. I wish I could be gang raped by a group of needle sharing homosexuals, just so I get AIDS. All for the sole purpose of having sex with you, so you can die from the AIDS that I gave you. I'm not even joking.

Ok, yes I am, LOLZ.

Camera Angle

We may rip on TNA a bit around here, but it's all in good fun. There's actually a few good things about the nation's other wrestling promotion, one of them being the amount of downtime provided to the wrestlers between TV shoots. It's one of the big draws for former WWE stars who were fed up with the constant life on the road.

So what do these grapplers do with that free time? If you're Kurt Angle, you follow the path tread before you by Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and, most recently, John Cena - you shoot a movie! But Angle is a gold medal winner, and he's not content to just make one movie. No, if he's going to do it, he's going to give it his all.

You dont here by doing things half-assed.

He's already finished shooting one, and is now attached to no less than three others! The man isn't just a wrestling machine, he's an acting machine as well.


The Laugh Twins aren't just wrestling fans; we're fans of the cinema as well. Cultured, we know. You don't have to tell us. So let's take a look at what we can expect to see from the American Hero.

First is his already finished flim, End Game. Angle cuts his acting chops quickly with this one, already landing the lead in his first outing. He plays Brad Mayfield, a serial killer, who appears to stalk only hot chicks. But hey, if we were serial killers, who says we wouldn't do the same?


Of course, being the movies, this film seems to be full so "just so happens" coincidences. Like the fact that the second lead, former Survivor and current TNA talent Jenna Morasca, just so happens to be Angle's love interest, and just so happens to be a stripper, and just so happened to live with a victim of Angle's insatiable murderous appetite. Also, Angle's character Mayfield just so happens to be quite good at blending into society, and just so happens to be able to pose as a detective in order to destroy evidence and toy with the police. The lead detective just so happens to have a marriage that's on the rocks because he just so happens to want to hook up with previously introduced stripper and just so happens to have a daughter who has "special needs," whatever that might entail, all of which just so happen to be Angle's next target.

Sound interesting? Well, we'll save you some time and direct you over to the website of the production company, North Shore Pictures, which includes a plot synopsis which pretty much spells out the entire movie. So read it - even the book doesn't sound better in this case. Or just watch the trailer. That's good enough.

Maybe think about getting a music loop longer than five seconds for your next trailer.

Also, on the movie's IMDB page, of the fifteen actors listed, only one of them has a picture attached to their name. Grade-A talent, to be sure. I always wanted to see another outing by John W. Iwanonkiw.

No, you don't belong there.

Ok ok, we can't expect the first major role to be that great. Was The Scorpion King all that entertaining? What about The Condemned? And The Marine, was that better than we thought it would be?

Actually yes, yes they all were. Nevermind.

So what about his upcoming movies? Surely there's something worthwhile in there. He's making three more; not every one of them can be bad, can they?

Well, judge for yourself. Angle reteams with North Shore Pictures for River of Darkness. Absolutely nothing is known about this movie, other than it's in English and is being filmed in color. Though, based off the title, it's sure to be DARK. There is a book by the same title which is a murder mystery set in 1920's England. We can only hope these are the same.


Next, he's filming Dead of Night, a supernatural thriller set in New Orleans. Allow us to show you our search results...

Yeah, that one.

Kurt will play Wolfgang, a werewolf. Yes, a werewolf named Wolfgang. Kurt is portraying a walking pun. And seriously man, a werewolf??

Too far for a joke?

The lead character is Dylan Dog, brought to life by none other than Superman himself, Brandon Routh. Dog is described as an investigator "who seeks out the monsters of the Louisiana bayou in his signature red shirt, black jacket, and blue jeans." Red shirt? Blue pants? Wait a minute...


Finally, we have the interestingly titled The Land of the Astronauts. Lucky for Kurt, this time that's apparently the only movie with that title, though you can't convince us that there wasn't one made in 1956. We just can't find it. So what is this one about? A interstellar, sci-fi drama? A space adventure? An otherworldly horror film? All sound great to us! Let's check the plot summary:

A psychological drama that tells the story of a man trying to rebuild his world. Once Jack McKenzie, former hotshot screenwriter, takes on the demeaning job as a limo driver to support his family, he starts to lose control of the one thing he values most... his mind. In trying to keep his wife happy and his sanity intact, Jack must battle alcoholism, haunted spirits and delusions before something or someone cracks under the pressure.

Huh?? What in the bloody fudge does that have to do with astronauts?? Here we were thinking it was going to be something totally awesome.

Something like this.

There's only one word to sum The Land of the Astronauts up...


What is Kurt's role in this one? He plays a guy named Hitch.

No.

Alright, so maybe we overshot a bit hoping to catch these at the cineplex down the street. We'd be lucky to find a single copy at a Blockbuster. But if you're lucky enough to see any of these, give us a shout! We're pretty sure we'd rather watch TNA, and that's sad.

W.W.W. featuring Kurt Angle and Cactus Jack

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Botchamania series ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt- Kurt Angle impersonates Shawn Michaels

Matt's response...

Who is that drag queen pretending to be Sensational Sherri?

All your balls are belong to me.

Anyway, with Wrestlemania 25 around the corner, it makes sense to take us back in time to the build-up to Wrestlmania 21, that wonderful event that featured Big Show sumo wrestling and a barnburner between John Cena and JBL. It was so good they even made a video game about it!

Quick! Which one doesn't belong?

Angle has decided the best way to get into Shawn Michaels' head is to parade out his old partners and do terrible impressions of him. This time were treated to "Sensational" Sherri and Kurt has the great idea to sing HBK's tune, because, in Kurt's mind-

Shawn Michaels thinks he's so great because he sang his own song.

Really Kurt? That's the reason Shawn Michaels calls himself the Showstopper? Because he "sang" his own song. Sure, ok.

In any case, we're treated to the terrible singing style of the Gold Medal Grappler. We already knew he could rhyme. And just in case you needed any more proof that Kurt Angle is a terrible singer, here's this DEEP cut from WWE Originals.



Well, Shawn has seen enough via satellite, and he's going to put his two cents in. Gotta admire the man for just coming out and saying Sherri looks terrible. Seems like good minds think alike. Shawn has a little video presentation, cooked up by the very same production crew that makes EVERY OTHER HBK MONTAGE. Seriously, they all look the same.

This is in every Shawn Michaels video. I mean it.

For whatever reason, HBK's mindgames did the trick, because that causes Kurt to go absolutely bonkers and make Sherri's "ankle hurt," as he says. What was so enraging about the video? I have to believe it was this shot here.

Heartbreak butts drive Kurt nuts.

In what ended up being the longest match of the night, Kurt beat Shawn at WM21. Yes, they went longer than the Interpromotional Battle Royale, which featured the likes of the Basham Brothers, Rhyno, Luther Reigns, Simon Dean, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, and Maven.


Did you know Maven went to Eastern Mennonite University? He holds the EMU records for most stolen bases in a season, career walks and career on-base percentage. To think I hated him...how foolish of me.

Matt's video to Adam- Cactus Jack and Raven promo on Mikey Whipwreck


Adam's response...

Finally, something good. That's not a knock against Matt's video picking abilities, because for the most part, every thing's been gold. It's just that it's always been something terrible we can all "LOL" at. This is actually a legitimately good segment. There's little to get into, because sometimes just watching is all you need. And trust me, friends, it is magic.

Quick note: I'll be using Foley and Cactus interchangeably here because I am a poor writer.


Yes, when ECW fans think back to the good old days, this must be what they think of. Mick Foley was at the top of his game in 1995. What better way to be a heel in ECW then to be a straight ahead face in the WWF/WCW? Especially considering Foley/Cactus's legendary status as a hardcore icon at the time.

A little background: Cactus had been engaging in a feud with Tommy Dreamer, imploring Tommy to sign with WCW, since ECW fans were too demanding. It all stemmed from a real incident where some fan at ECW had a sign that said "Cane Dewey" a reference to the Michael Fay incident in the early 1990s, but replacing Fay with Foley's three old son. This apparently legitimately set Foley off, and thus his new heel persona was born. After eventually losing the feud to Dreamer, Cactus aligned himself with Dreamer's main rival, Raven, and set his sights on Mikey Whipwreck.

Whipwreck was another unique character that could only exist in ECW. Basically, he was a loser who was terrified to get in the ring and would get beat up all the time. The audience had such sympathy for him that eventually they fell in love with him. So much so that he eventually became ECW champion, pinning a pre-Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Anyway, this promo on Whipwreck is awesome, not because it's made out of anger. Or rather, it is anger, but it's legitimate anger. Not the "You called me a jabroni!" or "I want your title" kind of anger. It's the kind of anger that comes from being disappointed in someone you care for. Namely, the ECW fans. Mikey is ECW to the fans. Cactus is your dad.

Seriously, look at the things he's yelling about. Doritos? Rock music (admittedly, I love Leonard Cohen, so I'm siding with Cactus on this one), previous run ins with authority. There's one part I specifically want to mention. It's when Cactus mispronounces the word "barbiturate" and is interrupted by the camera man. The camera man corrects him and Cactus just shrugs it off and pronounces the word correctly. Now this can be interpreted a few ways.

1. Cactus messed up and lazy old ECW decided to just do one take, and goddamit, that's the one take they got.
2. A very terrible attempt at humor.
3. Cactus is focused in his anger, and is a legitimate nice guy (the character he is portraying), that only Mikey Whipwreck upsets him. It's pure, unadulterated hatred.

Still, that's not to say this is perfect. Pretty much it's completely illogical. I can understand if WCW wanted Tommy Dreamer. He's a good looking guy, can work in the ring, and cuts a decent promo. Perfect mid-carder for a major promotion. But "Uncle Vince" wants Mikey Whipwreck? Really? This guy?

"I'm a real toughie!"

Poor Mikey...has to hang with is peers at officially sponsored WWE events...

I'm sure he would have fit right in feuding with the Body Donnas and Razor Ramon. Yup, make mine Raw indeed.

Of course, it does add a new layer of insanity to Cactus's promo. Man, this ruled.

HARD.

Rockin' Robin

Tweet tweet!

We're not ones to be cryptic, so our announcement today is that the Laugh Twins have now invaded Twitter. Having made Blogger our own personal waste receptacle, we've decided to expand our reach. Besides, who better to be on Twitter than a couple of twits like us?

Check it out, and please "follow" us, because honestly, we only do this so people we've never met will like us and heap praise upon us. We'll use it to alert you to new posts on this very virtual space, or perhaps dump some choice non sequiturs on your brain. And those rare occasions when we exit the LOL Wresslin' cave and peer into the bright light of day, we'll let you know that too.

So join us for tweets, twits, twa- er, whatever you call them, and don't forget to LOL @ Wresslin!

www.twitter.com/LOL_Wresslin

And just to continue our string of clever word play, we have a whole different kind of Robin to talk about! Namely, Robin Quivers (Howard Stern's longtime side kick who serves the purpose of laughing and letting Stern make fun of black people, since she is in fact, black) is being courted by a certain 1996 Olympic gold medalist. Yes, wrestling's Amy Winehouse, Kurt Angle, recently read a love poem to Ms. Quivers when promoting TNA Something or Other live to 45 people who subscribe to Sirius satellite radio. Here's a taste.

I won a gold medal in the Olympics
They say I never have been beat
I am also a gold medalist in the sack
Much better than vegetables and meat.

We can go to the theater
We can roll around in the grass
We can get coffee at Starbucks
But don't try to quirt it up my ass.

Also, we're just going to flat out steal Rick Chandler's joke from Deadspin this morning and say "Woah Shakespere, that'll do." Still, it gets better. Apparently Kurt's been quite busy since his wife Karen left him. Busy with the ladies that is. He went into explicit details later that day when he ventured over to another/merger partner satellite radio show, as 14 people listened to him on XM's Opie and Anthony radio program. And what's that old adage about "never going back"? Kurt has revealed that he previously dated TNA Knockout Rhaka Khan, so naturally Robin Quivers is right in line with his new outlook on life.

The title of Morris Day and the Time's biggest hit

W.W.W. featuring the TNA Knockouts and Kurt Angle/The Rock

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your "comedic" parody of Scott Hall's Saturday evenings ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - TNA: Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde and Roxxi



Matt's response...

Hello and welcome to LOL, Wresslin's Brand Outreach Program! Please allow us a moment of your time to talk to you about the wonderful, non-WWE world of professional wrestling.

Begun on January 1, 2009, it is the mission of the LOLBOP to introduce you to other brands of wrestling that you may have not known about, ignored, or thought stupid. We here believe that a well-rounded wrestling fan is a happy wrestling fan, and as a group of concerned citizens feel it is our part to provide you clear examples of the kinds of entertainment that wait for you when you choose to expand your viewing habits.

This week, we focus on the TNA. We are already seeing interest in our first program on this brand, which introduced you to the president of TNA wrestling, Dixie Carter. This interest seems to be mainly because she is hot, so we've decided to build on that and show you what you can expect from the women of TNA, commonly referred to as "knock-outs."

Please note at the beginning of this video what we will call the "TNA fan." This person is similar in many ways to a fan of the WWE; however, the TNA fan is willing to cheer into the camera for no discernable reason for moments on end, and endure an entire program with no clear method of sitting down. Some might call this type of devotion "hardcore," and we think this fan would agree.

First to the ring is our referee for the night, Traci Brooks. Take notice how "bouncy" she is. Also, she is sporting a referee shirt that generously shows off her cleavage and mid-riff, which varies from the typical, more conservative WWE referee shirt. We believe this is standard company ref attire.

Next to the ring are the "Beautiful People" who are, in fact, beautiful. We'll allow you a moment to enjoy their ring entrance, which includes an extended pause while ducking through the ring ropes. The cameraman takes this time to focus on each finely toned posterior, and the eye is drawn to them more thanks to generous "pointing" from both Knockouts. Also see how Cute Kip, the lone male in the group, appears to do it completely wrong.

The first of their opponents is the "hardcore knockout" Roxxi. Don't feel that we misled you - Roxxi is still techinically considered a knockout, despite being admitted to the squad following a Supreme Court ruling on Raczynski v. Total Nonstop Action Wresling, which said males could not be discriminated against if they wished to be considered a TNA Knockout. Roxxi is a fine example of the American justice system in action, and should be applauded.

[Her] tag team partner is Taylor Willde, from Ontario, Canada. Canada has long been a breeding ground for great wrestlers and really hot chicks who get by on looks alone.

As the match begins, this is a good time to introduce the TNA announce team, which you will encounter each week, of Don West and Mike Tenay. There are some who have claimed that the TNA announcers are clearly reading off a script when they call matches. We feel this match is a fine example that Mr. West and Mr. Tenay are allowed to discuss whatever they want during a match, including (and possibly exclusively) something other than what is happening in the ring. TNA takes the bold stand that the action is presented for your own eyes on the televison, and the announcers should use that time to talk about anything they choose pertaining to the product.

As you can see, TNA makes use of a six-sided ring instead of the traditional square. Some have called this simply a gimmick, but it's clear that it is also adds a variety of new scenarios to a match, like two more turnbuckles into which you can slam an opponent's head.

TNA matches are also similar to WWE matches, as they make use of "moves" and "spots." There is a wide-spread belief that performers in this brand simply stumble around the ring, throw phantom punches, and wait until one of them is told to lie down and do the job. TNA wrestling clearly involves a little more than that, and this is just a women's match!

When the match ends, you'll also notice that heels react to a loss in this brand much as they do in the WWE - with bewildered looks and harsh words for the refs. However, please recognize that TNA strives to be a more family-friendly promotion, and you'll hear no foul language coming from the any of the scantilly-clad, large breasted performers. Even the other guy in the match, Cute Kip, keeps it relatively clean when he voices his displeasure to the referee, choosing simply to say "You suck," rather than unleash a string of clever expletives.

The LOLBOP hopes this video was helpful in making you aware of all the great things that are there for your viewing consumption outside the WWE! Thank you for watching, and remember that if you do watch TNA wrestling and something seems not quite up-to-par, it's a Thursday night, and what else do you have to do?

Matt's video to Adam- The Rock and Kurt Angle Funny Segment.






Adam's response....

Lies. Lies make Baby Jesus cry. These Youtube videos are lies. The title for them is The Rock and Kurt Angle Funny Segment, and honestly, they are not. I get it. Sex organs could be misconstrued as various food items. Hardy har har. Yup. Oh and now that that's over let's plug two books. Smooth transition, boys. Smooth.

Now, I have to take issue with one thing Kurt said. He states that the best match of his career was when he beat the Rock for the WWF title. Maybe professionally, but I think winning the gold medal at the 1996 Olympics may trump being in the same as Sid and Kane.





OOOO, and now we have the Rock singing. I know I'm spewing loads of hate on this post (and we did, after all, stop that hate in 08), this kind of Elvis crooning has always annoyed me. Anyone can do it. That doesn't make you a good singer. Sorry Dwayne. Now true (it's true), Kurt sort of proves me wrong by not singing, but I'd like to think that's mostly for the cameras.

There is a redeeming quality though. This video simultaneously has my biggest pet peeve and then calls it out for being absurd. I sincerely dislike the inconsistency of the backstage camera's existence. I'm not referring to interviews. Those are fine. I just find it odd when the camera is in the locker room with a wrestler when s/he's just relaxed. Sometimes the wrestler acknowledges the giant piece of technology in their private quarters, and other times they don't. It's maddening. So it annoys me when the Rock looks into the camera and asks if we want to hear Kurt sing. That'd be like Jack Bauer looking into the camera on 24 and saying "Hey Adam, I'm going to kill these terrorists...or die trying" (This Sunday, 8/7c on Fox!)



That's why I was so happy when Kurt said "Who are you talking to?" I'm willing to suspend belief that that camera doesn't actually exist and I'm some omnipotent god who sees all on Earth-53. It affirms why Kurt Angle is so awesome. And it makes me very sad when I realize that he's probably going to die soon due to his suicidal tendency to constantly wrestle with a broken neck.