The biggest event in history

Last night was the return of the much fabled Monday Night Wars. Hulk Hogan officially joined TNA and SpikeTV gave them a Monday timeslot for the night. TNA busted out all the stops, as they debuted some old new talent. WWE countered with Bret Hart coming back after tweleve years. But these all pale in comparisson to one singular event that happened. One epic debut to open the show. Yes, the rumours are true; Bryan Danielson worked his first dark match for since signing his new deal with WWE.

For those not in the know, Bryan Danielson was known amongest the indy scene as "The Best in the World." A few monthes ago WWE signed him to a deal and decided to wait until 1/4 to debut him to the live audience. This was clearly the right idea. Don't believe us? Take a look:



Danielson was trained by Shawn Michaels during that period when HBK lost his smile faked a back injury. Since then he was Ring of Honor world champion for over fifteen months and has wrestled all over the world, hence the name "American Dragon." No one is more technically sound then him, so we should expect some real 4 minute classics with Goldust in the coming months on WWE Superstars.

Also his theme music on the indy's was Europe's "The Final Countdown." Same as GOB Bluth. Let's hope he get's a muzak version of it in WWE. And why wouldn't he? If TNA can have a ripoff NWO theme for Hulk Hogan, WWE can set up "The Final Countdown."

Of course, there is a little more to this. Danielson won his dark match. And against former Cruiserweight/Tag/ECW champion Chavo Guerrero! Clearly he's destined for greatness. Or should we say....awesomeness. Yes, it has been a while, but we're throwing out another Seal of Awesomeness! This one goes to Bryan Danielson for dark matches!


And just for offical record keeping, here is the pantheon of SoA:

Hurricane Helms- for Smackdown, traded to ECW where he was stripped of it.
Charlie Haas- for Raw, now on Smackdown
Zack Ryder- ECW
"The Man Scout" Jake Manning- indys

So yes, Mr. Danielson is now king of the dark match! TNA, we're still waiting for you to impress us with something awesome...

Scout's honor

Times are tough. These next few years could be the most important of our short lives, as we decide our planet's future. Now, more then ever we need to look towards a model of American ideals. Someone who encompasses intelligence, intensity, and integrity.


No, not Kurt Angle. He's a bit...preoccupied at the moment. No, we need new heroes. We need men to take us forward. We believe we have found this man. He hails from Smalltown, USA. He is "The Man Scout" Jake Manning.

We don't think those are uniforms trunks though...

Armed with only his canteen and trusty Scout guidebook, Mr. Manning yearns to bring back civil service and nature preservation to this wonderful world of ours. He is the head and founder of the Man Scout organization, making him immediately more accomplished then 99% of professional wrestlers. Still, don't take our word for it.







And of course, if someone won't be the Good Samaritan that he is, well, the Man Scout will have to work that much harder to get his message across.



So where can one find the Man Scout? Well, he's a bit of an elusive character. He mostly resides in the east coast independent wrestling scene (further proving that LOL, Wresslin' is the preeminent professional wrestling comedy blog on the net, since we cover the indys now), but we like to think that he lives everywhere in our hearts. His example lives on through his Youtube page and official website Myspace. Feel free to drop us a line, Man Scout. We'd love to get some more in depth information from you and your ideals. Also, you'll need to bust out the thread and needle, since we've decided to give you quite the honor. Yes, it's true. For the second week in a row we're giving out the BFG. Enjoy your Seal of Awesomeness merit badge!

You know it

It's no secret that LOL, Wresslin' is the best wrestling comedy blog this side of the solar system. However, that is not to say we're perfect. We are not. We know that is a big news flash, but the only quality that is equal to our wit is perhaps our humility (it is often known as our "best" attribute). So we're going to just out and say it; we were wrong about Zack Ryder.

Here's what we wrote about Mr. Ryder just long of two months ago:

Zack Ryder- Woo woo we we. Yes, a Long Island guido. The perfect gimmick. We wish you best in all your future endeavors, Zack.

Well, turns out the man has turned crap into diamonds. His Long Island guido character is actually fairly amusing. Become a witness:



Now as for his trademark catchphrase, "Woo woo we woo woo!"; stupid, for sure. Yet, it fits everything about him. The bandanna (which we're sure he's called a "bandizzi" on multiple occasions), the one legged tights, flamboyant colors; they're all things we hate. But isn't that the mark of a good heel? Or what about that ring entrance music?

Isn't that just nauseating? Seriously, it sounds nothing like what a young male would want to listen to. And the narrative structure is just silly and weird, making the story behind it (Ladies man coming through!) completely unbelievable. Hmm...seems as if that reminds us of someone else...


But you know (tm) what makes Zack Ryder complete? It's how he lives his gimmick. Check out some of these sweet tweets the man has left.

At the gym...Training my left leg...no need to train the right 5:11 PM Aug 6th from Tweetie

Tanning...you're welcome for the visual 6:34 PM Aug 6th from Tweetie

Just won the award for Hottest Guy at the Beach! Z009 baby!!! 11:47 AM Aug 8th from Tweetie

@TrueKofi KFC Bowls 4 life3:46 PM Aug 8th from Tweetie in reply to TrueKofi

Heading to the gym then to the tanning salon...I can't wait to take pics of myself in the mirror after I get out of the tanning bed. WOO X 3 10:52 AM Aug 10th from web

We're partial to "Woo X 3" ourselves.

Some may look at all this and say "Rob Conway 2009." Well those men are fools. When we add this all together we summat a treasure! We have found our third recipient of the Seal of Awesomeness! This is clearly no small feat, as we haven't had anyone be awesome in almost nine months!


Side note: Before you fanboys start screaming "continuity error!" just know that we have factored in our previous SoA rules. We are aware that each brand can only have one SoA recipient (so as not to tip the scales too heavily) and Shane Helms is currently on ECW. However, we bestowed Hurricane Helms and his "I'm just sayin!" gimmick in. Now he is on ECW as just the superhero Hurricane. Should he return to his old ways we may confer with the union, but until then Zack Ryder is the current ECW SoA.

We're just sayin'....

One of the things that LOL, Wresslin' loves is shrugging responsibility. There's this thing about blogs that allows you to say whatever you want and never really have to accept any consequences. Isn't technology great?

But what's even better than doing it online is doing it directly to someone's face. The brashness of completely running someone down and then simply saying, "Eh, whatevs." A great way to pull this move off is to preface whatever you're about to say with "with all due respect." Then you can go ahead and be as insulting as humanly possible.

"With all due respect, your girlfriend probably bangs horses on the internet."

Closely related to "with all due respect" is the tag line "I'm just sayin'." This one works even better, because you can throw it in anywhere it's needed after the fact. Let's say you call someone's kid as ugly as the back end of a baboon. Some might take offense to that, and if they do, you can just go, "I'm just sayin'." You're in the clear! There's no way for them to get mad at you now, because you were just sayin'.

It's one thing that's been missing in the wrestling world. Everyone just goes out and says whatever they want about whomever they want, and they end up getting their asses beat at the end of it all. If only someone had the intelligence to dismiss responsibility for anything they said, they'd be free and clear!

Which is why we have some truly awesome news to report. Well, it's not really news, since it's been going on for a couple months, but we're slow to get around to things sometimes. Also, we have to have a large file of evidence if we are to bestow an honor on a certain individual.

Hurricane Helms is making a comeback to Smackdown! That's right, not mild-mannered Gregory Helms, and not the friendly and helpful Hurricane we remember, but tough-ass, big attitude Hurricane Helms. He does, however, have one thing in common with his old superhero personality: he makes everything resemble the word "hurricane." Therefore we are treated to the Hurrapop. At any point during the show, Helms' face will appear and drop a bit of knowledge on the audience.

These are insulting for the most part, but not much due to their overwhelming cheeziness. That's another thing that LOL, Wresslin' gives major props to - unadultered camp. See for yourself...

















He also seems to have a favorite target in MVP, and that just makes him more badass with us.


So let's count it up: funny, campy name, cheesy insults, doesn't like MVP, and shrugs off responsibility. What do all of those add up to?

THE LOL, WRESSLIN' SEAL OF AWESOMENESS.


That's right, Charlie. You have company. But it's ok, because each show deserves an award. Now if ECW would only do something that resembled anything but suck.

Congratulations, Hurricane Helms! Now don't screw it up when you actually start to wrestle. We gave it to you, we can take it back. Don't let that keep you up at night!

We're just sayin'.

When you live in a glass Haas...

It should come as no surprise by now that we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to make fun of people. In fact, that's pretty much the entire premise behind this blog.

What we love almost as much are puns. And when one wrestler comes along and services both of those loves...well, we have to love him too.

Charlie Haas is that fusion.

West Side!!

For a while there, Charlie only filled one of those needs, supplying generous laughter with such wordplay as HAAStility and HAAS of pain. Greatness, to be sure, but not quite enough. But then, Charlie HAAS a stroke of genius and starts his new gimmick, where he basically clowns on every wrestler in the history of the business.







My friend, you can be the first to HAAS the LOL, Wresslin' Seal of Awesomeness!

We're too lazy to actually photoshop this onto his picture.