Black Lesnar

We don't talk much about the world outside of wrestling around here. We are, after all, the wrestling comedy blog of record, so it makes sense that we might be a little provincial. But there's life outside wrestling.

Like MMA! Of course, we've been a little hard on them in the past. However, from time to time, a news item comes across our LOL desk that makes us take notice of WWE's harder-hitting cousin. Plus, it helps when it concerns a former professional wrestler. You can't expect us to go too far out of comfort zone.

In this case, Brock Lesnar gave an interview to the magazine Maxim, where he talked about a number of topics, such as his career in the WWE, his upcoming fight with Frank Mir, and steroids. It's this last issue that we'd like to focus on here.

Lesnar says that he's taken drug tests all through his professional career, and he's upset by the question of whether he's ever used steroids. It prompts this sort of response:

God gave me this body: Are you jealous of it or what? Give me a break. I got the genetics of—not to get into racism or anything—but I’m built like a black man.

Read that again. "I'm built like a black man." Lesser bloggers may talk about the racist tones of that statement, but we think that's ridiculous. Seriously, he says that he doesn't want to "get into racism or anything," so that point is clearly moot. We, however, are merely curious if it's true.

Here's a picture of Brock Lesnar:


In examining if his body is that of a black man, we'd like to compare three aspects of his physique - the legs, the trapezius muscles, and the arms. So we searched to see if there were, in fact, black men who were built comparably to Mr. Lesnar. Here's what we found.

Let's start with the legs:


That's Canadian Olympic sprinter Ben Johnson. There's quite obviously some similarities. You can clearly see the outline of the quadriceps, and they are both quite larger. Actually, Lesnar's may even be larger, so in this case, his body is better than that of a black man.

Now, let's take a look at those traps, one of the most prominent features of Lesnar's build. For those who are unaware, the trapezius muscle runs from your back to your shoulder, then up to your neck. If you still don't understand, it's those huge triangles on either side of his head. For this one, we found eight-time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman.


Look at those things! That's insane! But no more insane than Brock's. We think he has a point on this one too. So far, Brock seems to be proving his side of things.

Now the arms. Sure, there are plenty of people with big arms to go around, but we thought where better to find some real guns than in the world of baseball? So we present to your our final example, MLB slugger Barry Bonds, who unfortunately doesn't have a large selection of photos with his arms exposed.

But this one just fits the site so well.

We think here you could say again that Lesnar just might have our research beat. So in all three cases, Brock is either built like, or better than, a black man. Perhaps it really does have nothing to do with steroids at all!

Oh wait. All of these guys have either tested postive, admitted to, or been accused under oath of taking steroids.

Whoops. Our bad.

Maybe we should ask Brock's wife Sable if he were perhaps talking about a different part of his anatomy.

MMA-holes

"When you think about it, you should compare the World Wrestling Federation to other major entertainment companies or motion picture studios." -Vince McMahon

Former WWE star and current MMA competitor Bobby Lashley turned up at the TNA "Lockdown" PPV last Sunday. He came out on stage, and it was suggested that he is a part of the "Main Event Mafia." Subsequent to that, it's been revealed that Lashley is going to be making some fairly regular appearances on TNA television.

Lashley has commented (albeit softly) on this, saying that the TNA TV tapings aren't far from where he lives and trains, and he needs a way to make a buck while he's preparing for his next MMA event, which will be against veteran fighter Bob Sapp. We think about here is where the story should stop, because there are few of us out there who would look down on a guy who has a skill and can put it to use to put some food on the table while he's following a dream of being a fighter. And the TNA schedule certainly lends itself to having time for other things.

But that's not good enough for some people. The day after Bobby made his appearance at "Lockdown," one Mr. Jake Rosen, who writes for everyone's homepage Sherdog.com, ripped into Lashley for this particular career move. The entry was published on ESPN.com, and here's a couple things Rosen had to say:

I lauded former WWE acrobat Bobby Lashley for arriving in MMA with the proper humility...he has to go and ruin it.

Lashley popped up during something called "TNA Lockdown"...I assume some poorly performed theater for the hygiene-challenged ensued.

I don't think his hybrid career will do the sport of MMA any favors...

[Wrestling is] a deranged spectacle.

Alright, seriously though, who exactly does Mr. Rosen think composes the audience of MMA pay-per-view watchers? Let's do a quick poll here: put your hand up if you've watched a wrestling PPV in the past year. Now, put your hand up if you watched an MMA PPV in that same time period.

We're guessing the hands didn't change all that much. Judging from just anecdotal evidence only, there's plenty of overlap between the two. Sure, there are those who only will watch one or the other, but for the most part, you're catering to the same group of people.

Quick, pick the which is the MMA crowd and which is the wrestling crowd:

And ignore that kid.

Rosen seems to be stuck with this age-old stereotype of wrestling fans. They don't shower. They live in someone's basement. They deliver/eat a lot of pizzas. Is that really how shallow we are, sir? Take it from a couple of guys who don't fit that description (save for the eating of pizza) that not everyone is "hygiene-challenged." There are quite a few of what you might call "normal" people who watch wrestling too. But seeing as the internet is the world's version of junior high, feel free to continue the ad hominem attacks. It really helps your position.

Also, why is wrestling continued to be held to the same standards as sports. This isn't 1984. No one believes wrestling is real anymore. The ESPN television magazine program E:60 just did a segment on Vince McMahon and the production work behind Wrestlemania 25. But wrestling fans are still a deluded bunch of grown children. Right.



And a fan of MMA is going to call wrestling out as being a "deranged spectacle"? HAHAHAHAHA! Alright, ok, you're right. Mixed martial arts is not a spectacle at all...

Oh, look where that one came from.

It does have "arts" in the name after all.

He also calls TNA "professional wrestling slang for 'embarrassment to the human race.'"


Alright, you've got us there.

In an attempt to prove that he's cultured and has watched a movie or two, quoting Max von Sydow from Hannah and Her Sisters (that's the "Woody Allen movie" you were looking for), "Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling?"

We've heard a quote or two ourselves, pal. How about the legendary comedian Andy Kaufman, who once said, "There's no drama like wrestling"? Not good enough for you? Well, take this from Roland Barthes, a French literary scholar:

It is no more ignoble to attend a wrestled performance of suffering than a performance of the sorrows of Arnolphe of Andromaque.

Yeah! What you said, Barthes!

Roland Barthes. Probably.

Really, Rosen, why can't we just coexist? Let's get along, buddy, because when you think about it, we're really not that different in the end.

Mixed Martial Tarts

Life after professional wrestling can be hard. The Wrestler taught us that. It also taught us that Marisa Tomei makes a more than acceptable stripper, and Jersey is one shithole after another. But making the transition from the WWE to other forms of income can be hard.

Imagine our surprise when we came across this tidbit on former WWE Diva Victoria's blog (also imagine our surprise that we were reading Victoria's blog) - she's considering making a run in MMA fighting.

Now, we know you have a couple questions. Tough ones, like "Who cares?" Well, we can't answer that. But what if you're asking, "How's that going to work?" We can help you there.

It's certainly not unheard of. Brock Lesnar is the current UFC Heavyweight Champion. So that's a good start! And you have the man partly responsible for Vince getting his head shaved, Bobby Lashley, who left the WWE for MMA and won his first fight apparently. Good for him!


In her own words:

I have really increased my jiu-jitsu training...I have also been contacted by several agents, a couple of whom represent current and former UFC Champions...I think they think I can fill seats.

Yeah, YOUR seat

Good for her, though. We hope it works out. And if it does, who might she be facing?

We're predictable. We know.

Allow LOL, Wresslin' to say "Good luck, Victoria!" Go punch a female or two, just for us!

In related news (related only because we came across this story today as well), PWTorch.com is hosting an article with the headline "Hart family wrestler producing documentary on up-and-down career." Now, who might that be?

Down, mostly.

Actually it's Teddy Hart. Can't wait for that one in theaters!