We hope he's aware of the irony of what he's doing

Our long national nightmare is over; W.W. Herenton is stepping down as mayor of Memphis on July 31st. And not a moment too soon. Look at this laundry list of failures the man failed to achieve during his five terms as mayor.

• Failed to ensure sound fiscal management of the City of Memphis ^[11]
• Fraud allegations involving national money for the building of the FedEx Forum ^[12]
• Failed to communicate effectively with the City Council ^[13]
• Failed to address multiple allegations of improprieties regarding Memphis Light Gas and Water ^[13]
• Served as the prime target and catalyst for the City Charter rewrite ^[14]
• Angered citizens to the point of becoming a target of a (failed) citizen recall effort ^[15]
• Proposed raising property taxes by 17% while taxes on his personal home were delinquent.
• Called for a halt to early voting due to alleged "irregularities". The Shelby County Election Commission stated that early voting would continue.^[16],
• Benefited personally from the rezoning of the Greyhound bus terminal property;
• Done little in response to the significant rise in crime under his leadership; he stated that "No mayor in any American City can solve the crime problem."^[17]
• Appointed new leadership of the Memphis Public Library over the objections of the Tennessee Library Association.^[18]
• Failed to address criticism in the way that cases and staffing were being handled by the Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center, and caused a racially-charged argument in the council meeting where he accused the city councilman of being a racist.

A run off will be held to determine the new mayor of Memphis. And who is a candidate? None other then WWE Hall of Famer and Memphis resident, Jerry "The King" Lawler. Yes a king is running for office. The "Evil King of Memphis" no less. Luckily, the investigative reporters of LOL, Wresslin' were able to get a pre-release copy of King Lawler's first speech. Here are some of the policies he'd wish to enact, should the will of the people of Memphis wish him to:

• Put money into Memphis educational system.
• Open "Andy Kaufman Memorial Theater" in heart of Memphis's legendary performing district.
• Declare November 29th to be "Mayor Motorboat Day", where the mayor of Memphis may place his face into the chest of any female citizen up to four times.
• Replace alcohol and cigarettes with Coca-Cola Classic.
• Appoint Debra McMichael "Secretary of Puppies".

• Lower age of consent in Memphis to 14 years old.
• Will allow "Puppy Madness" to be a viable defense in Memphis sexual assault cases.
• Change method of execution from lethal injection to piledriver.
• Sons of mayors will be allowed to be as publicly intoxicated as they want.

• Women, not just men, will be required to "pull the straps down" when they are about to finish off a tough task.
• Fill up the holes in Main Street. This is not what it sounds like.
  

Also, being a broadcaster himself, Lawler promises unprecedented access with the media. Namely, he will squeal with ecstasy every time a female reporter wears something remotely revealing. He also promises to draw all his campaign posters himself.

Of course, Batman doesn't like him. That could be a problem for any candidacy.