R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A lifelong dream come true

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

The wonderful thing about PPV recaps is that there are no storylines to bother with! Here's dudes (and chicks!)! Fighting! And with Night of Champions it's over titles! Simple as that! Exclamation! Point.

Like our first title match of the night. The booty-licious Melina and the fetching Michelle McCool went at it for the Women's title. And it was a barn burner from the start! Melina did her trade mark spli....


Huh? What? Oh right. Well Melina couldn't even finish her entrance before McCool went on the attack.

The joke is here

Of course, this seems a little odd to me. After all, Michelle is the champion. Shouldn't she enter the ring second? After all, HHH gets Motorhead concerts when he's champion, shouldn't Michelle at least get to be introduced as champion after some jabroni? Unless she planned the whole thing...yes...yes. She is a clever one.

Anyway, she defended her title.

Now all they have to do is create a women's belt on ECW, and Michelle McTaker can be the first tiple crown winner!

Now you want further proof of how much Smackdown rules? Smackdown's top two title matches were the last two on the card. The main events, if you will. Yes, the WWE title match went on BEFORE that lame Divas title match, which pretty much put everyone to sleep. Thankfully, Dolph Ziggler and Rey Mysterio fought it out for the Intercontinental title. And that...didn't wake us up?


Yes, for some reason this match never really got out of first gear. You'd figure it'd be better, but it pretty much just watched like this:

Quick Jericho! Now's the time to get the mask!

Oh well, at least someone had a hardon for this match.

LOL, Wresslin': for the ladies

And the final, big blow off, culture war for the World title between CM Punk and Jeff Hardy. Yes, bad guy role model for young children attempted to defend his title against good guy drug addict. It's a running gag on this site!

Just imagine Jeff Hardy is a dead horse.

Again, this match just never got going. It started late and ended early. It wasn't bad, just didn't feel like a big blow off to an epic drug war.


Still, the Philadelphia fans, who are forever known for the compassion and love of happy endings, were sent home happy when Jeff Hardy won the world title. And miraculously didn't lose it a minute later. So that's what's up. Another world champion on Smackdown!

And seriously, "a lifelong dream" does not count when it's your third world title reign, WWE.com interns.

"Would you like to here my impression of Heath Ledger's Joker?"

How soon until Jeff loses the title next? The path starts now! 8/7c, MyNetwork TV or hulu.com!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Takin' it back

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

You may have noticed that we have discontinued with the volume numbers and replaced them with nonsensical titles. That's because the WWE is so punny with their recap names that we've decided to adopt them as our own. Hell, we already steal their photos, why not their words? Only a matter of time before we just tape all of Raw/Smackdown and throw it on Youtube.

And just to get it out of the way, this title is in reference to the Undertaker avenging his previous loss to Vladimir Kozlov. Nothing special happened. Not worth recapping.




In all honesty, last week's Smackdown has very little to do with tonight's. That's because tonight is the 500th episode of Smackdown! Tonight is more of a party, celebrating the past. So let's view this recap as more of a refresher course for Wrestlemania, which is now just over two weeks away!

We're going to open today with some of the very good. For the last two monthes or so, WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo have been feuding with World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. We have yet to cover this on the blog because it always felt like it was building towards something good. A weekly "They're at it again!" post would be redundant. But seriously, they've been feuding over who are better champions, who are cooler, and who gets to date the glamorous Bella twins. Around Valentine's Day Miz/Morrison won a tag match which allowed them to go on a date with the Bellas (since the lovely ladies are objects to be fought over.) Lucky for us, WWE cameras documented the whole thing.



You'd figure after being jealous fakes who throw pies the Bellas would dump the Colons (pronounced phonetically by Miz and Morrison), but no, their Latin charms are too much to be overpowered. This was never more evident then when the twins accompanied the brothers ringside for their title defense against Miz and Morrison. And get this; they won that time!

Which brings us to the next match. It's Miz and Morrison's turn to defend their World Tag titles (thankfully, Slammy's can't be lost in the ring). Look at all this gold they carry:

So much gold that they take golden showers together

Of course, the Colons counter by bringing some fine tail ring side.

They could almost be called "The Bruce Campbell Twins"

Now, WWE.com has a nasty habit of not showing relevant pictures in their photo sections. Miz and Morrison successfully defended their belts, but there's not one photo of them on the offensive. So just know that they won and look at this (for it is worth 1,000 words).

WWE: 1 Feminsm: 0

Continuing the Smackdown booty parade is a Divas tag match! And it made no sense. First we have team Maryse/Michelle McCool, which makes sense since they are heels. And fighting against them is Raw's Women's Champion Melina and....Maria? Listen, right now they are sort of teasing a Raw/Smackdown feud all around. So although Maria is a face...she's a face on Smackdown! Family over friends, M. You know better then this! And Michelle McCool agrees with me (finally!)

Hold number 712: Armbar

Of course, if there's one thing Ms. McCool hates more then Benedict Arnolds it would be losers, which Maryse totally is. That's why she didn't help that buxom blond bimbo break her bad bosotion bon ber back. So Melina gets the win and McCool gets some revenge.

And what a ravishing one she is

Seems like someone lost her McCool

Also, the Money in the Bank ladder match is all set for Wrestlemania. We had our last qualifying match as Irish brawler Finlay took on high flyer The Brian Kendrick! But is he the only high flyer in this match?



Yes he is. Which is the real shame here. Because who would be better in a ladder match? The guy who did this (sorry for the Papa Roach song)

OR

Finally, Matt Hardy came out again to complain about his brother. Why he needs to do this in public I have no idea, but here he is with a mic in his fist.

"I let my shirt do the talkin' for me..."

He basically admitted to being responsible for all the assaults and tragedies on Jeff's life recently (I guess Matt is North Carolinian for "Heroin").



Rather then be arrested and processed by the police, Jeff Hardy comes out and attacks his big bro, agreeing to settle the score at Wrestlemania. Because giving the person who ruined your life his dream of having a high profile match at the biggest event in his craft is what I would totally do in that situation too.

So that happened.

Will any of this be brought up again tonight? Possibly! I don't know! Regardless, it's a party! 500 weeks in the making! So don't watch the Battlestar Galactica finale and watch Smackdown! 8/7c, MyNetwork Television!

The Stars Descend Onto Hollywood

The Oscars were this past Sunday and our favorite movie of the year, The Wrestler, was nominated in the Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress categories. The film went 0 for 2. Although Marisa Tomei losing wasn't much of a surprise, Mickey Rourke not taking home the little gold man for his portrayal of Randy the Ram was surprising. Rourke was the heavy favorite, as the comeback story of his character really mirrored the comeback of his personal life. Of course, Hollywood doesn't always play fair.

No, perhaps Rourke was too much of a "rebel" for the Academy to take him seriously. After all, it's heavily rumored he'll be involved with Wrestlemania this year, and his past doesn't necessarily make him the most trustworthy fellow when given a live mic. Here's his acceptance speech from the Independent Spirit Awards, held one night before the Oscars [NSFW language (although Eric Roberts is in the clip, so you gotta balance your priorities.)]



Still, we don't think that one day before an award ceremony really sways the vote. If that were the case then the death of his beloved dog a few days ago would probably have swung a few votes his way, but things don't work that way in the movies...

...unlike some other deaths in some other elections we might know.

Still, the Oscars are a fun time! Win or lose! No one knows a good time better then the superstars of the WWE! They came out for a big Oscar party, the Haven Young Hollywood Oscar Party (co-sponsored by the WWE), to help support The Wrestler and have an all around great time! And it also doesn't hurt to hob knob with a few A-List stars. Take a look:

Kofi Kingston

Kelly Kelly

Try and hold back the excitement, boys.

Nice shirt choice, shit dick.

Nice dress choice, pretty lady.

They made wishes come true too!

Maryse and Make-a-Wish kid, Chow Chow.

Priceless suspect that this may actually be a middle aged man and not a sick kid.

Also on the red carpet were some non-wrestling celebrities as well!

Reality TV stars The Miz and Corrine Kaplan of Survivor.

Reality TV stars the Gastineau Girls

Who?

Ok, so maybe it's really like...E! Network celebrities...

Still, the party was bumpin' all night! Look at how crammed the inside was!



Kofi was scratching some non-existent vinyl!



And super star singer/actor/all around entertainer Aaron Carter snuck in and got cozy with the Divas:

Cha-ching! Look at his hand placement!

And hey, the party was so much fun that Priceless finally started to loosen up.

This...

...lead to this

And we can owe this horseplay to one thing only:

Hollywood Coke party!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 7

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Two weeks ago we saw Jeff Hardy insert himself back into the main event picture after having attempted to win the title time and time and time again. GM Vickie Guerrero rightfully told him his time was up, but like a selfish addict (for titles, of course), he wouldn't hear that and essentially threw hissy fits attacking other wrestlers to prove how "serious" he was.

Anyways, one of those guys he pissed off was the Undertaker. So the main event was Jeff Hardy vs the Undertaker.....EXXXTREME RULES!!! To psych out the Undertaker for the match, Jeff debuted a new aspect to his character. And by that I mean he threw on some clown make up, started talking about how he lives in a world of gray, thus enabling him to do things others can't. Sort of reminds me of a character a certain deceased actor played in a certain movie that grossed a billion dollars.

You wanna know how I got these scars?

The other big event was the signing of the Survivor Series main event between HHH and Yackoff Smir...err Vladimir Kozlov.

Red carpet means it's important

Couple questions here: 1) Why is Chavo there? What business does he have being anywhere near a main event? Is he a notarizer? If so, where was he licensed? 2) Why aren't there any lawyers present? This is a contract signing, right?

Well, after talking about kicking each other's butts, The Clown Prince of Wrestling showed up again and decided to ruin it with his tom foolery.

Again dude? Really?

MVP must have been named in the Joseph McCarthy hearings, because there is no other explanation for his losing streak. This week that dirty Red lost to Funaki of all people. Funaki! True, his new "Kung Fu Naki" gimmick is kind of awesome (complete with "Kung Fu Fighting" esq entrance theme), but still. He lost to Funaki.

Kung Fu isn't Japanese, by the way. I'm just sayin'

At least this time the Great Khali interfered, so there was some explanation for the loss.



Divas action had Michelle McCool defend her title against Maria, who is #1 contender because she took her clothes off in Playboy a few months ago. After Maria tapped to the ankle lock, two retards named Jesse and Festus jumped into the ring and chased out McCool. Seems like the big lummox has a crush on the loser and wanted to give her a teddy bear. Awwwwwwwwwwwww.

What Megan's Law looks like on Earth-53

Also, since Michelle McCool was mentioned:

BOIOIOIOIOIOIOIING!

And finally, in the main event, The Jeffer took on The Undertaker it what was a pretty awesome match. Hardy was crazy, Undertaker was his usual self, and it took a lot of weapons and a leg drop off a ladder for put the Deadman down for the three. This earned Jeff one more shot at (non-title) HHH. He wins that one, then it's a triple threat for the title at Survivor Series!

Wrestling's so fake

We're only two days away from a real PPV! Watch Smackdown tonight, 8/7c on My Network TV! Do it! Do it!