W.W.W. featuring Holiday Hell 1995 and Stone Cold Steve Austin/John Cena

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your ridiculous "Choose It!" series ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt - Stone Cold "Steve Austin" Stuns Cena



Matt's response...

Let me point one thing out before I get started. To "TripleHUSA" who posted this video (and curiously uses a picture of Steve Austin as his YouTube avatar), "Stone Cold" is not the man's real name. Steve Austin is. Therefore, the quotes are in the wrong place, you moron. Ok, now I can continue...

Yet more proof that it's ridiculous for the WWE to expect us to give a crap about John Cena versus the Big Show in 2009. This was back in December of '03, and I'd venture a bet that the match was about the same as it is today, only Cena didn't pick up Big Show very much back in those days, because that was "impossible." But that's not what really bugs me about this.

Here we have, on a night where Stone Cold has already dressed up like Santa Claus and stunned Vince McMahon, Austin stunning John Cena. Why? I suppose deep down it doesn't matter, but it should. Why is Austin allowed to run roughshod around the WWE, stunning anyone he chooses? Why doesn't the U.S. military intervene in this human rights violation? This is what our freedom has bought us? A wild man set loose on the world, with no sense of right and wrong, only a sense of a standing or left paralyzed on the ground? Really troops, you should be ashamed of yourselves for cheering this.

Michael Cole unfortunately boils down Cena's match against the Big Show to this grossly-overstated simile - "Just like the U.S. troops laid the smackdown on Saddam Hussein, Cena laid the smackdown on the Big Show!" I'll leave that one alone, because I think you determine for yourself how silly that sounded. But is Big Show really the one acting like Hussein around here? How are Big Show and John Cena anything but hapless victims of a tyrant using brute force and scare tactics to keep those around him in check? Sorry Austin, but this land is free now, and you're going to have to take your third-world barbarism somewhere else. Preferably Iran.

If he stuns one more person, the terrorists have already won.

And it's clear you people don't get it. "hxhb" has left the only comment on this video, and it merely says "John Cena sucks Stone cold rullez =D." Well, that's just wonderful. Listen hxhb, if you don't have respect for the rule of law and the fair implementation of a government ruled by the people, well you can just GET OUT.

There is one thing I like about this video, and that's John Cena's original music. So much better, in my opinion. Kudos to the Miz for pulling that out last Monday night; that's the one thing you've done right in your life.

And what an unfortunate time for the Big Show to stand up. Really poor timing on your part, buddy.

Matt's Video to Adam- Holiday Hell 95



Adam's response...



Welcome everyone, to Extreme Championship Wrestling's New York City debut! Right here in Queen's, NY!

Errr...ummm

Here is Joey Styles and he's about to tell us about all the raucous action the ECW faithful can expect here at some Elks lodge in the middle of Queens when all of sudden he's interrupted by Stevie Richards and The Blue Meanie! Horror of horrors! Not those two! Because when I think of ruining a segment, I think of those two. Regardless, Stevie gets some heel heat just by dressing kind of gay and then having the audacity of insulting the audience. You know, they must all be queens if they live in Queens (wocka wocka!) And look at this guy! He's a transvestite! And that other one has to be the other kind of tranny (no, not Missy Hyatt. I'll get to her later)! You know (tm), because only degenerate neighborhoods have those weirdos. Regardless, I can't verify Stevie's claims, because the camera decided to keep it on the Daisy Duke himself. Which makes sense, because it's not like I'd want to see those people anyway.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "How could Joey Styles have found Missy Hyatt when she was in the third row and the corner. This was obviously pre planned." Not true. When at an ECW show in 1995, ANY girl would stick out, let alone one who was, at that point in time, only moderately jacked up.

Missy then

Missy now (I can't tell which one, but she's there)

Ever the charmer, Mr. Richards decided to impress Miss Missy by telling her about all the letters he used to write her (insinuating that he's jerked off a bunch to her image), because that's totally not creepy, and making a lady feel old is the best form of courtship. He then comes up with a whimsical euphemism for his erection. A good laugh had by all, especially the fair Miss Hyatt. And although the prospect of coitus with Stevie Richards (and presumably, Meanie watching) is laughable, the prospect of dating Raven is not. Yes, that shut her hole up good.


SIDE NOTE: Using the finest research tools at my disposal, I was able to learn that Missy Hyatt has in fact, fellated Raven before. Out (or in) of her own mouth!

Seriously though, I wonder if that technique would still work today? I bet I could get most girls a date with Raven. He a'int doin' shit. His tweets prove it!

And after a long, passionate make out session with Stevie, Missy instructs him to "Give that to Raven." God I hope he did....

The NBA playoffs are not important

On more than one occasion, we here at LOL, Wresslin' have provided our opinion on professional wrestling in the mainstream. Usually, the mainstream media just laughs off our dumb, redneck entertainment and only likes talking about it when they get to put it down. This time is no exception.

A story about WWE has been making the rounds through ESPN, The Associated Press, and many mainstream sports blogs. To summarize, World Wrestling Entertainment is scheduled to hold next Monday's Raw live from the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado. That also happens to be the same night as game four of the NBA Western Conference Finals. So, what's the big whoop, right? The Denver Nuggets are historically terrible and would never make it to the third round, thus the building should be open for Memorial Day, right? Right?


Yes, the arena is double booked. Naturally, many are thinking that the "little ole 'rasslin show" (our quotes) should stand back and let the big, bad NBA have their scheduled night. That somehow moving the NBA game back a day would set a precedent and we should only let the more important event take place.

Here's the thing though. The NBA playoffs aren't important.

Nor is Monday Night Raw. Both are forms of entertainment which are enjoyed by a section of the populace who likes that kind of action. Both are shows and spectacles that draw high cable ratings and promote individual personalities. Now there is the argument that the NBA is an undetermined event and every day is vital in the playoffs, whereas WWE can tape whatever stories they want to get across at a later day. That it's just a show and shows can be moved. But guess what, there is already a precedent from a few weeks ago in favor of WWE!

Playoff games are usually played every other day. Especially in the case of travel days. The thought is that the games are so intense that going back-to-back is just too rough on the body (because you know (tm), wrestlers just jump on a trampoline four straight days a week all year). So imagine the conundrum that the NHL had two weeks ago when the date of a theoretical game six in the Pittsburgh/Washington series would have fallen on the same date as a Yanni concert booked at the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh. What was the solution? Games 4 and 5 would be played on back to back days, even with the travel involved. Of course, where was the outcry against this?

There's an easy answer to why these things are happening. WWE and Yanni booked the buildings. Well in advance. They sold tickets, promoted the shows, and SIGNED CONTRACTS GUARANTEEING THE DATES. We bolded that because the situation really should be that black and white. However, for WWE it gets even deeper then that. They are responsible to produce a two hour television show for the USA Network. The merits of the importance if Raw can be debated all night, but no one can deny that USA is a major media player with some significant pull (we acknowledge that the the converse for ESPN can also be argued). Still, we've been postulating about this for too long now. Let's see what the publicly traded WWE has to say.

WWE VS. NBA
May 18, 2009

STAMFORD, Conn., May 18, 2009 – World Wrestling Entertainment®’s live, internationally televised broadcast, WWE Monday Night RAW®, (USA Network, 9:00 PM ET) to take place at the Pepsi Center in Denver next Monday, May 25th is in jeopardy of being cancelled (sic) by the Denver Nuggets. The WWE and Denver Nuggets are currently at an impasse in resolving a scheduling debacle by the team and the Pepsi Center.

A sell-out crowd is expected to attend the WWE show at the same time the Denver Nuggets are slated to square off against the Los Angeles Lakers for Game 4 of the NBA Western Conference Finals. WWE has held the May 25th date with the Pepsi Center since August 15, 2008.

“Even though the Denver Nuggets had a strong team this year and were projected to make the playoffs, obviously Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke did not have enough faith in his own team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game,” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon.

Ok Vince, we're with you. You're completely in the right, the building should be yours for the night. But, DID YOU HAVE TO CUT A PROMO ON THE DENVER NUGGETS? REALLY? REALLY? Is that really the best way to get across how monumentally huge the company is? Is that how you make your case that Monday Night Raw is just as important as anything else on TV that night? By challenging Stan Kroenke to a cage match and giving him a cheap Kobe jersey you bought at Sports Authority that day? REALLY?

So what do we think is going to happen in the end? The game will just be pushed back to 'Til Tuesday (voices carry!). Even if the contract was signed in April, that's just a formality in case the building collapses. It was booked back in August. If there is not an out clause by Kroenke we don't see how they can do this. Sure, they might just settle with WWE on the missed date, but Lord knows they won't want to take on the USA Network. So the easiest solution is to just play the basketball game the next day.

Still, bet on there being an opening skit of John Cena being locked out of the building and then beating up some nerdy looking gatekeeper named "Stan" because he snottily tells Mr. Cena he's not allowed in the building that night. It's about the level of class and maturity we'd expect from WWE.

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Judgment has come

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last night was Judgment Day, and we're all still here. If I understand my Bible correctly (which I don't, but go with me on this one), we're all in for seven years of tribulation, seeing as how we were the ones "left behind." Oooh, pop culture reference...

From 1995.

I would guess that since we watch WWE programming, we're punished enough. Actually, it seems that the Raw fans were the ones being whipped and beaten last night, because it took a good 45 minutes before we see any ring action. (Or maybe it's just that all the Shatdown and ECW guys are more comfortable jerking the curtain) And who are we Raw watchers treated to first?

DAMN IT!

Basically, the Miz came out and did what every heel since the beginning of time has done - insult the local sports team. His target were the Chicago Cubs, so we care...why? Seeing Alfonso Soriano, he directed his vitriol toward him.


Once he was done with the tongue-lashing of Soriano, Santino came down to the ring. Santino followed "Steve Austin's Keys to being a Face" and called the Miz a jackass. Everyone cheers. Then Santino got beat up. Everyone boos.

Why do you play with our emotions?

Chavo thought this was a good time to beat up Santino as well, since he called Vickie a pig or something.

Randy Orton and Batista face off for the WWE Heavyweight title. This match saw Orton trying to use every means available to get DQ'd from being counted out to using things as weapons, but he could never escape the wiles of one Mr. The Animal. Finally, Orton just went and slapped the ref.


Why go through all the trouble of the match and possibly being hurt if you wanted to get DQ'd the whole time and all you had to do was slap the ref? Just do it at the beginning and call it day. Men...


Naturally, Orton's two beautiful bodyguards ran down for a little 3-on-1 action once the match was over. But their party wouldn't last long, as Ric Flair would show up to save Batista, proving once again that Legacy can beat up anyone in the WWE not over 50.

Not pictured: Leaving the memories alone

Finally, the match you weren't waiting for at all, Mr. John Cena versus the Big Show. Not to belittle the fair Mr. Cena, of course. We just know who's winning this one.

The high drama of this match was the fact that Cena could not lock-in the STF on Big Show.


In the end, Cena did was he always does and gently laid Show down on his back- er, I mean, totally hit him with the Attitude Adjuster and straight up adjusted that fool's attitude. Cena wins and makes up for being tossed into an electrical device somehow.

That's it! That's everything you need to know going into tonight's episode of Raw, so it's going to take maybe half an hour to wrap all that up? More time for the 24 season finale! But you should check out Raw, 9/8c on USA!

THERE'S NO TIME!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Reserving Judgment

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

This Sunday, our Lord and Savior is returning and he shall judge us. Yes, judgment day is upon us, and we can only hope that we are deemed worthy. Thankfully, there are some simple tests to deduce this. First- do you watch Smackdown? If the answer is "Yes" then you're cool. That should be about it.

So since we're so cool and love Smackdown, let's go over everything to get ready for the big PPV this Sunday. First off, John Morrison (who is now a face) has a feud with Shelton Benjamin. For some reason Shelton is starting crap with The Friday Night Delight. Seriously, it's just "some reason." So since Shelton is a "heel", he's inherently lazy, he found his old tag team partner, and Hall of Awesomeness inductee, Charlie Haas to take on The Guru of Greatness.

"I haas an impression of a good wrestler..."

So actually being on TV seems to haas inspire Charlie, as he used that Seton Hall background of his to wrestle the man with the golden abs.


Unfortunately, Charlie then remember that he is Charlie Haas, and he's much more suited for knocking Lillian Garcia off the ring apron then actually, you know (tm), winning matches. Thus, the usual outcome happened.

Oh stop, Shelton. Like you really expected different?

For the second week in a row, Edge and CM Punk wrestled in a non-title match. And, for the second week in a row, CM Punk sort of kicked ass.

Adrenaline definitely isn't some sort of high

That should be enough to win the match, and enact his dumb plan to cash in the title shot and win a second match to become the champion. Of course, it wasn't to be as Edge just conceded victory and got himself counted out. What a dastardly heel! Still, if that wasn't enough to drive a man to drink, Umaga came out (AGAIN) to attack Punk for no reason whatsoever. Well, at least we'll have the two of them wrestle at Judgement Day. Because that's SO much better then having a title match.

"So much pain..I should start hanging out with Jeff..."

Undertaker's favorite cadaver, Michelle McCool, took on Mr. Fugi's daughter, Gail Kim, in a match. I guess it was for the #1 contendership for the ladies belt, but since we haven't seen Melina at all since she was drafted, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they're fighting over ponies or something. Still, maybe they'll kiss?

Gail Kim, switch places with me and let me turn around.

Seriously, I will kiss this girl toes all the way up to her lips. Then I'd move up to her stomach.

And in our main event, current #1 contender, The Red Hood, took on Chris Jericho. If Jericho wins the main event at Judgment Day becomes a triple threat match. I don't know why, but I wish boxing and UFC adopted this policy. Anyway, Jeff had his fans in full force!

I'm clearly not emotionally immature. Not in the least.

And he even had a kid stand at ringside, rooting him! That man loves his fans!

Suck it, Ray.

Anyway, the power of too much dosage took over the power of screaming kids, because Jeff was pretty much dominated by the paragon of virtue.

"Owwww...he's slightly bending my knees....the horror!"

"Heavens to megatroid!"

Also, Todd Grisham is a little sissy. I think he should change his name to "Leslie Butterscotch." So the combination of Leslie being a wuss and Edge not appreciating Jericho's plan of action sort of led to Chris being an all out rudnik. You know, because everyone should be super conscious of the announce table. That always happens.

Heels facing off?? But who do I boo??

He probably got Honey Nut Cherrios all over the apron.

And, if there's one thing Jeff hates, it's when people disrespect one of his Heroinmaniacs! This was all the ammunition he needed to launch his super comeback!

And this is more effective then two boots to the stomach how?

"Quick, to the Junk Cave!"

So Chris Jericho is out of the main event at Judgment Day! Boo!! Boo! But he'll get his. He challenged that kid from ringside to a match! And it's for...the Intercontinental title?? What???

So that was Smackdown, but will Judgment Day really be all that good. Let's look at the sponsor, Terminator Salvation: The Video Game. A video game based on a movie sequel. Not just any sequel. Part four. And the game has muddy, gray textures and looks like an average shooter. Yup, average all around. Now why would they sponsor a WWE PPV? Because they have similar audiences and it makes sense? NO! That makes too much sense! No, it's far more likely that the mediocre game is sponsoring this PPV because its a mediocre show. However, we all know that that's Raw's fault...

Still, Smackdown actually has more PPV matches on the card? Let's see how that happened. 8/7 c, MyNetwork TV while you still can!

It's so hard to say goodbye

For a theme song to accompany Ric Flair's career, please press play and enjoy...



When it comes to wrestling, it's a pretty simple formula: cheer the good guys, and boo the bad guys. The good guys come out and stand up for what right and just, and the bad guys always try to break them down by being underhanded and lying. That's pretty much all you need to know.

But what if you really can't make yourself disagree with the heels? What if, every now and then, one comes out and just happens to make a lot of damn sense? What do you do then? What does that mean for our babyfaces? The ones who have to stand there and pretend like what the other guy is saying isn't completely and ashamedly true.

This is the problem we're having with Chris Jericho. You see (tm pending), Jericho built his entire run to Wrestlemania 25 on ridiculing the legends of WWE's past. And at first, it was easy to hate him. Who doesn't want to stand up there behind Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Jimmy Snuka? (Well, maybe not so much Snuka, because you'd probably be standing there to hold him up, and what a pain in the ass that would be!) Jericho can't say those things! He's just some brash punk that needs a good tellin' what-for!

If you recall, Jericho based a lot of this around the movie The Wrestler. We're big fans of it around the LOL Cave for a couple of reasons. Neither of them have to do with Mickey Rourke's acting ability.

We'll let you figure it out.

Jericho said these "legends" spent a lot time acting like the film's titular (he he) character, Randy "the Ram" Robinson, meaning they frequented high school gyms and backwater towns you wouldn't visit even if the rainbow ended there. His vitriol was most directed toward Ric Flair.

Now, Flair is a sacred cow around here. Far be it from us to start criticizing him. But every now and then, you have to accept that the cow is going to crap in the street from time to time. Things started off pretty tame for Ric after his career was over with the WWE, and wrestling in general for the most part. We were pleased when we found out he would be featured in an expansion to a Command and Conquer game. Videos promoting the game had Flair encountering and finally wrestling a bear. We suggest you give those a look.

However, here lately, things have gotten a little too real for us. A little to close to Jericho's accusations. A search of mark sites results in these headlines:

Ric Flair interviewed on coming out of retirement, cuts promo from furniture store.

Reid Flair wrestles tag match at police fundraiser; Ric Flair in his corner.

Ric Flair does the coolest NASCAR commercial ever.

Those are just a few. And, of course, there are videos, complete with furniture store appearance:















Finally, to really drive the point home, we have this story from PWTorch.com - Ric Flair: "I want to wrestle." NO. DUH. Flair could barely stay retired for a year. Apparently, pulling the "crazy ex-girlfriend" maneuver, he sent Vince a text and asked why he wasn't included in the recent draft. Vince replied like we all just did once we read that: "You're retired." (i.e. Quit calling me, you crazy bitch! I'm changing my number!)

We love you, Ric. We really do. Which is why we're asking you to please, PLEASE don't come back to wrestling. We love having you around, and you can still get out there and talk with the best of them. Keep it up! Keep showing up at events and getting a pop and verbally abusing some schmuck (The Miz?) and then go on to a signing to hang out with the fans. But stay out of the ring. You had an amazing match last year at Wrestlemania, and a ridiculously long send-off. Let those stand as your final marks on this business.

We know it's hard to say goodbye. But damn it, will you just try it?!

Talk to these guys if you have to. They'll be hanging by the only car that's in color.

W.W.W. featuring The Miz/Morrison and Ravishing Rick Rude

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your compilation of favorite Macho Man entrances ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - WWE visits IGN



Matt's response...

"Who watches TV on the internet?" - Zack Ryder

That pretty much sums up this entire video. Are you really going to watch this thing? It's fifteen minutes. You can if you want, but since I already have made that sacrifice, I'm going to break it down very simply for you: Adam somehow found a video that features two people I hate more than the Miz.

How is that possible? As the number one purveyor of Miz hatred on the internet, I didn't think I could hate anyone as much as I hate him and his faux hat and his stupid hats. But I do. These two wastes that "host" this "show" have got to be the most unentertaining duo since Uday and Qusay Hussein, and we all know what happened to them.

I'll give you the positives first: John Morrison. I'll be honest here and say I never gave that dude much time, especially since he teamed up with the asshat Miz. But I actually enjoyed him in this segment. He's obviously a decent talker, he keeps the conversation moving, and he has a good amount of bits that he runs through during the "show." The dude even does what the audience probably started doing and messes with his cell phone in the middle of the "interview." I came away from this a legitimate John Morrison appreciator, so that's something.

But that's not nearly enough to save this pile of garbage from being anything other than complete and total fail. Let's first rank everyone on how much I like them. At the top are Morrison and Jessica Chobot, but she only gets by because she's kinda pretty. In reality, she seems really annoying and doesn't have anything useful to add, which puts her about on par with everyone else on set. But she still sits solidly in second behind the Tuesday Night Delight (or whatever he's calling himself now).

Yeah, I guess you can call me. But don't ruin it with your personality.

Here's where things get dicey. All huddled at the bottom are the Miz, Gruesome Greggy, El Gringo Primo, and making a special fail cameo, their floor director. Since he doesn't have a speaking part, I'll put Mr. Floor Director in third, as his only contribution is to hold up his hands to stop an impending "fight" on "set." I've never seen anyone less thrilled with their job than he was, and I've worked at a video rental store.

We'll put Gruesome Greggy at fourth, just because I can't quite hate him as much as the Miz, even though he does him damnedest to make me. Seriously, look at this douchebag:

His standard expression.

Oh, I get it. The homemade shirt and the sport coat are supposed to be ironic, huh? Ok. Man, this guys SUCKS. He has no clue how to run an interview, has nothing to endear himself to the audience whatsoever, and generally spends his time being a complete tool. Look dude, if you're going to be a typical gamer dickhead, and have total disdain for people at gaming conferences who can't talk pixels with you, quit "hosting" the "show." It's obvious the guy thinks Miz and Morrison don't know jack about games, and to an extent he's right, but the dudes are just there promoting the thing, so quit acting like you have more fans than they do, because somehow you don't.

In fifth is the Miz, and I've probably said all I need to say about that dude.


But definitely in last is El Gringo Primo, one of the worst bits of failed comedy I've ever seen in my life. Epic Movie got it more right than this guy. Here's his idea of a great character: a fat luchador who speaks in grunts. Get it??

Oh, you don't? Maybe this will help.

Put your goddamn hand down.

I don't know if this is this dude's regular bit, because I'd rather be caught masturbating to hentai than watching another episode of LiveWire, but even if it's just for now, it's got to be one of the worst ideas anyone has ever had. He has a face that you just want to punch, and you can't even see his face!

Now, as far as the purpose of this little visit, I assume it's to sell us on Smackdown vs. Raw 2009, but I can't say for sure since they barely talk about it. There is no way if I were on the fence about buying that game that this segment would make me want to get it. So if that's what you were trying to do, you failed at it.

Maybe it was to sell me on the Great American Bash. Well, telling me about your tag match against a bunch of people I couldn't care less about doesn't work either, so you failed at that too.

Or perhaps just to go and read IGN and watch more of their coverage of E3. FAIL.

These guys did absolutely nothing right. And that's impressive for a fifteen minute segment. You'd think at some point they'd hit something remotely close to passable, but they don't even wander anywhere near that neighborhood. Congratulations, gentlemen. You've made the worst video on YouTube.

Get bent.


Matt's Video to Adam- Ravishing Rick Rude Training for Summerslam 1990



Adam's response...

Oh me oh my! Is this Christmas? Have I been a good boy!? Two Warrior related training videos in just a few weeks! I can't explain how awesome this is. Seriously, after this video, well I'm pretty much like this.

Thank you Rick and Warrior. Although you two may be bitter rivals and have a match at Summerslam 1990, I'm grateful you two came together to change my life. However, that doesn't mean this entire video is flawless. I'm looking at you, Heenan.

First off, you're a fat. A major league fat. Why are you training the Ravishing one? What form of mental trickery did "The Brain" play on Mr. Rude? You're not fit to train a dog, let alone the only man who ever beat The Ultimate Warrior for a title!

Yea, take that junk in the face...

Second off, why so many locales to train Rick? This camera crew are all union! You're costing your client, Mr. Rude, more and more money when they could have cut this little training video in under an hour. But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, you had to go for a dusk light stroll along Venice Beach because it reminds you of your favorite song! Seriously Brain, stop thinking about only yourself and maybe the Heenan family will win a GD world title.

Oh, and don't think I forgot about you:

Click to embiggen

RickModelMartel. Now, I think it's great you started up a Youtube channel and posted some older stuff from your era. I'm glad that you have become a defacto historian of the WWF, but seriously, why the Ultimate Warrior Photo? Why would you ever promote that bicycle streamer wearing lunatic? Don't you remember the countless gorilla press slams all around North America? Or what about the time he threatened to "get you in your nightmares"? Why would you ever promote this man, especially when you are promoting his 1990 Summerslam opponent!?

Am I the only one who gets it!?

The Stars Shine Bright

A while back we wrote about Kurt Angle's many upcoming film roles. This article may have had a bit of "Can you believe it?" sort of tone. We apologize for that. The truth is, wrestler's are natural film actors. And it's not just the big ones. Now, we all know the stories of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, and Macho Man Randy Savage's feature role in Spider-Man. But what about the many wrestlers who work on the independent scene? No, not wrestling for thirty people in high school gyms, but the independent film scene. Thus, we present to you a profile of some of wrestling's greatest film roles from some of its most notable grunts!

Edge in Highlander: End Game (2000)

Edge was fresh into his initial run of tag team dominance with his partner/brother Christian when he took the role of "Road Bandit" in this action/sci-fi epic that continued the Highlander series. Yes, Highlander. "There can be only one" Highlander. This was the fourth film in the series and was effectively the last until the Sci-Fi (SyFy?) channel resurrected it seven years later for a "made for TV" trilogy. So far there has only been one part made. Still, we think it's safe to assume that this opened the door for the WWE to eventually produce ECW on Sci-Fi (SyFy?). The jury is still out if this was a good thing though.

Christian in Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Edge's brother successfully auditioned and won a role in this Clive Owen gun porn vehicle. He played "Secret Service Agent #2", a stoic man who took his job seriously and spoke no words. The Captain of Charisma led this film to a $27 million box office.

Kimberly Page in The 40 Year Old Virgin (2004)

Comedy juggernaut Judd Apatow's rise to Hollywood prominence required a little help from Diamond Dallas Page's ex-wife. And that help let us all see her beautiful b-b-b-boobies.

Two Hogs Up! (yes, that's the best screen cap we could do)

Kevin Nash in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1993) and The Punisher (2004)

Big Sexy was "Too Sweeeeeeeeeeettttt" as "The Russian" in the Thomas Jane gun porn vehicle (he also played the strong, silent type), but his breakout role was in the international sensation that was the Turtles sequel. True, Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" may have stole the film, but this movie would be nothing without its climatic final battle. Turtles vs. Super Shredder.

That's right. Super Shredder.

"I'm like Shredder, only a little more...super"

You thought one Shredder was bad? Well how about a Shredder that has been infected by mutagen? Yes, rather then die of radiation poisoning, the Shredder just added a lot of mass instantly.

Kind of like that

Well, in the real world you have to cast a big dude. Two words describe Kevin Nash. They are "Big" and "Dude." So yes, he played another strong, silent type and has an epic death scene.

Rob Van Dam, Batista, and Big Daddy V in Wrong Side Town (2010)

Ok, so there's really no info on this one. But there's a porn star in it! And look at this photo!

Above: Bad Dudes

Wow, we don't know about you, but we're popping already! Popcorn that is!