Trumped up changes

You may have heard that Monday Night Raw has been sold to billionaire Donald Trump. Apparently, Vince McMahon was tired of making money off his marquee show, and decided to give someone else a chance. Mr. McMahon announced this shakeup last Monday night, which led us to wonder, what's really going to be different about Raw from now on?

Actually, first we wondered how this was even possible. We weren't aware that each show was its own separate entity, able to be bought and sold like some sort of franchise. We're operating under the assumption that Trump now owns not only the brand, but the TV rights, wrestler contracts, and belts currently associated with the program.

Doing a little snooping, we were able to uncover an inter-office memo concerning some of the changes that Donald Trump was going to introduce to Monday's sole form of entertainment. He said this week that he was going to shake things around, and that certainly seems to be the case here. Let's examine a few of these alterations:

No more Smackdown stars on Raw - This seems like a no-brainer to us as well. Technically, they're a rival company now. Trump will now be competing for not only a higher profile, but better stars, and with his deep pockets and singular wrestling enterprise, he'd certainly be able to offer more than the McMahons could. So it seems only natural that he would not welcome a wrestler from another show, as it would only showcase talent not currently on Raw.

Miss USA and Raw talents combined - Trump also owns the Miss USA pageant, and the beautiful ladies of the contest and the theatrics of wrestling are a natural match. Beauty queens will be introduced into storylines, and some even utilized in the Divas matches. Miss Wrestlemania will be added to the Miss USA competition, and new talent portion will be added - "Promo cutting." Also, the differing opinions of the personalities involved makes for natural feuds.



Board room segment at the end of each show - This a hold-over from Trump's television show "The Apprentice." Each Monday, the losers of all the matches will be called into a board room, where Trump will meet with them and choose one to kick off the show. He will do this by uttering his trademarked catch-phrase "You're fired!"

What??

Appointment of a new Raw general manager - A new GM will be selected for Trump's one and only wrestling program. The memo states the candidate is known for his ability to back up his words with action when needed, and has worked for Trump in the past. Also, seeing as how Donald likes to do most of the talking, this person's soft-spoken nature is a perfect fit as an employee. Bobby Lashley will be the new general manager.