We put the LOL in wrestling (if you add an "O" and another "L", we guess.)
Here you will be invited into the world of two working, college educated gentlemen who happen to love the world of professional wrestling, but love to ridicule things even more.
Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.
Chris Jericho vs "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "Super Fly" Jimmy Snuka, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat with Ric Flair in their corner in an elimination handicap match.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
You know who didn't like TheWrestler? Certainly not us. We loved it! Chris Jericho didn't like it. He thought it was paying homage toold broken down horses when all the emphasis should be on him, Chris Jericho! Ooo..what a young punk!Anyway, the very recent world heavyweight champion took on these three specimens.
And it doesn't get much better then that. Look at this elevation:
FAIL
Or what about this Superfly tamer old Lionheart locked in:
He may be able to hook a hooka, but Jericho can hook a Snuka.
And although in fantastic shape for an old-ass man (hell, even a young-ass man), even The Dragon's boat ran out of steam.
So you probably think that's it. Jericho proved his point and beat up a few octogenarians. Well, YOU'D BE WRONG! Ric Flair brought in his secret weapon, star of The Wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson!
Umm...Rammy looks a little small there..
Err... we meant Mickey Rourke. Still, he used to be a professional boxer, so don't count him ou-
"If you've ever seen something sad that rhymes with 'me' then you've seen me"
Take that, you Canadian jackass! Come on Ric, let's go ahead and dance the night away!
Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.
25 Diva Miss Wrestlemania Battle Royal
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Why that song? Well Kid Rock was gracious enough to play the 25 Divas to the ring. And granted, we hate all Diva themes, but was this an improvement? It still served the same purpose of objectifying them and telling us how "hot" they are.
Real subtle with the buckle there, Bob.
Anyway, Divas past and present came out to participate in this battle royal. Well, the past ones weren't so illustrious.
Anyway, a few of the match highlights.
Interest in match rising....
Also, there's a girl on ECW named Katie Lea we've never talked about, but she's pretty smokin' in a handsome sort of way, so here's a nice cleavage shot of her.
They don't really dress for athletics, do they?
So who was crowned Miss Wrestlemania? Why...Santina Marella, Santino's twin sister. Although not a looker, she had the physical superiority over the other gals. Our one issue is that how was she cleared to wrestle on such short notice? Just because she's an employee's sister doesn't mean they're insured to let her compete, right?
Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.
Mark Henry vs Finlay vs Kane vs CM Punk vs MVP vs Christian vs Shelton Benjamin vs Kofi Kingston in a ladder match where the winner gets a future title shot at their choosing.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
This is one of those ridiculous spot fests that's way too much of a clusterF to report on, but this picture here basically sums up the entire thing.
And of course there is lunacy like this:
Bet you miss that light TNA schedule now, don't you?
Of course it wouldn't be the Money in the Bank ladder match without Shelton Benjamin doing something recklessly stupid and dangerous.
"Great job as always, Shelton. Now we're going to have you job to some developmental rookie who won't pan out."
Obviously, he has been rewarded for his many years of hard work by not winning the match. Anyway, as is par for the course with ladder matches, there is drama where two men vie for the prize at the same time, only for one to get knocked off and that man winning. Like this:
Clearly grabbing the bottom of the case is the most effective way to win.
Yup, for the second year in a row, CM Punk wins the MitB ladder match! Maybe this time he'll cash it in after HHH runs a marathon. Or maybe he'll trade it for a lifetime supply of Pepsi?
Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.
WWE Tag Champions Carlito and Primo vs World Tag Champions John Morrison and the Miz in a lumberjack title unification match.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
A-List city right there.
For some crazy reason this match did not make pay-per-view. It was bumped to pre-show dark match at the last second. That spot is usually reserved for some sort of inter-brand battle royal, but not this year! No, this year we get a lumberjack match, because clearly the build for this match has required lumberjacks. So many matches have ended in intentional countouts that big, burly men who cut down trees are necessary to maintain order.
NOT!
Well, since this match wasn't seen pieces needed to be cut together through pictures from WWE.com. So at one point John Morrison punched Carlito in the face and Primo drop kicked the Miz.
Tommy Dreamer looks a little too into it.
And the Miz went to the outside where the lumberjacks had their way with him.
Mike Knox OMG!!!!
That may have won the match, since Miz would have been way too weak to break up the Primo on Morrison pin.
And we have new (old?) tag champions! Does this mean Carlito and Primo wrestle on Raw now too?
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Please ignore the Shawn Michaels and Raw aspects of this.
Yes, the rumors are true. Our beloved color man, The Tazz, has decided to leave the WWE in pursuit of something else. It's a sad day, but we should remember him fondly. We wish him well. Let's all honor his last night on Smackdown by reading this wonderful recap and shedding one tear.
Anyway, Wrestlemania is soon. Like, real soon. And of course there is an giant eight man ladder match on that card, so what better way to build that storyline then have all eight men compete in a tag match of sorts (ooo..the combinations!)? Anyway, it was a clusterF but I think whatever team Kane was on one because he pinned someone or something. Of course, now that the match was over, let's not be adults at all and just start fighting because WHO CAN WAIT FOR APRIL 5TH WHEN WE CAN JUST GET IT ON RIGHT NOW, BROTHERS!!!??? Of course, while all those dopes fight it our, Christian (did we ever mention he returned?) decided to climb the ladder and point at the brief case for some reason. Because that will end well.
Greatest file name ever
Let's really hope this doesn't happen.
In blood feud news, Matt Hardy decided to get ready for his big match against his brother Jeff by wrestling R-Truth. That somehow makes sense. Anyway, it was funny because their tights are nearly identical.
There's only one way to tell them apart...
...R-Truth has "WHAT'S UP" written on his back
Of course, that one little difference is all the swing Matt needed, as he picked up the win. Makes sense, considering how R-Truth isn't good enough to be anything more then a lumberjack in the tag title unification match.
Of course, Smackdown is not all brutes and savages. No, the fairer sex also gets more then enough time to show their stuff.
And you know what I mean by "stuff"
Their lady parts. When I said "stuff" I was referring to their lady parts.
Anyway, it may be a secret, but I have a bit of a crush on Michelle McCool. So clearly I was excited (and I mean sexcited) that she was about to beat Maryse and reclaim her Divas title, putting her on the winning streak she'd need to be crowned Miss Wrestlemania at the big battle royal! And she was totally going to win until a certain raven haired vixen came out of nowhere to attack her! She was lightning quick and could in no way be detected!
Err...ummm
And she didn't just stop at McCool. She also attacked the solid 8.5 that is Maryse!
I swear, that somehow hurt Maryse. Don't ask me how. It just did.
Who could have seen this coming?? It was so random! Why was her music ready to go as soon as the attack was over?
Finally, the most anticipated match at Mania may very well be the interbrand Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match. Unbelievably, Michaels may be winning the psychological war here. That is, until Taker does one of his patented evil sacrifices.
Something about this is a little off kilter...
Did the Undertaker shrink?
Wait...that's not black! That's not evil! It's Shawn Michaels?!!? And he's reading Bible verses! But that's Undertaker Kryptonite! That could send him all the way to Hell!
"Curses! He didn't take this lying down!"
Yea! Smackdown! Chokeslam him down to Hell, Taker!
"Haha! Not today, dead man! I'm too wily for you!"
Ok..you won this round, Heartbreak Kid. Don't get cocky. You'll have to be at your best to even challenge "The Streak." And no, that's not an allusion to this.
Say goodbye to Tazz in style! 8/7c TazzNetwork TazzV!
As most of you probably know, Tazz has left the WWE. His contract was up, and rumor is he decided not to re-sign due to some backstage problems he had with Vince's producing style. Not that Vince would ever be mean to anyone, so we're sure this was one big misunderstanding.
Just look at that face. Totally trustworthy.
In any case, the WWE has lost a long-time wrestler and commentator and as with anyone who's spent a while in the business, there are certain things we've come to know him by that others just can't provide. So LOL, Wresslin' would like to think back on all the things that Tazz has given us over the years, as a way of saying thanks.
The Tazzmission
Get it?? It's a submission hold done by Tazz. Put the two together and what do you get? That's right - genius.
Walking out on commentary
This happened during a taping of ECW, when, to be fair, Tazz's broadcast partner Mike Adamle walked out just before the main event.
Presumably with a dude on his head.
Tazz decided that if Adamle didn't have to stay, neither did he, and walked out too. The main event didn't have any commentary, but really, did you need someone there to tell you how boring it was? Didn't think so. We think that was a smart call, Tazz.
Getting made fun of by Paul Heyman
There was a time when Tazz was an ECW legend, back when ECW sucked on its own without the WWE's help. Then Tazz came to the WWE in 1999, and soon after several injuries got behind the commentator's table. And that's where he was when the invasion began, which brought Paul Heyman into the WWE ring to cut a promo on Vince.
Towards the end, Heyman points to Tazz, whom he said once was a great wrestler, but...
...now he's a fat, little, obnoxious color commentator, and not even a good one
You're life is going wrong if Paul Heyman calls you fat, little, and obnoxious.
Tazz's Keys to Victory
This is a bit he used to do before pay-per-views. Tazz would give us a list of things wrestlers needed to accomplish to win a certain match. Being a former wrestler, it seems like the man would have some insight into in-ring strategy. Let's see some of his suggestions:
For an "I Quit" match: Don't quit!
For a "Buried Alive" match: Avoid the Hole.
For a match where a chain was available for use as a weapon: Get to the chain.
Damn, what would we do without you Tazz?
Seems like we'll have a chance to find out. Wrestlemania will be Tazzless this year. We wish him the best of luck, and would like to say he's done a pretty damn good job for himself despite being named after a cartoon character.
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff then us
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Botchamania series ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt- Kurt Angle impersonates Shawn Michaels
Matt's response...
Who is that drag queen pretending to be Sensational Sherri?
All your balls are belong to me.
Anyway, with Wrestlemania 25 around the corner, it makes sense to take us back in time to the build-up to Wrestlmania 21, that wonderful event that featured Big Show sumo wrestling and a barnburner between John Cena and JBL. It was so good they even made a video game about it!
Quick! Which one doesn't belong?
Angle has decided the best way to get into Shawn Michaels' head is to parade out his old partners and do terrible impressions of him. This time were treated to "Sensational" Sherri and Kurt has the great idea to sing HBK's tune, because, in Kurt's mind-
Shawn Michaels thinks he's so great because he sang his own song.
Really Kurt? That's the reason Shawn Michaels calls himself the Showstopper? Because he "sang" his own song. Sure, ok.
In any case, we're treated to the terrible singing style of the Gold Medal Grappler. We already knew he could rhyme. And just in case you needed any more proof that Kurt Angle is a terrible singer, here's this DEEP cut from WWE Originals.
Well, Shawn has seen enough via satellite, and he's going to put his two cents in. Gotta admire the man for just coming out and saying Sherri looks terrible. Seems like good minds think alike. Shawn has a little video presentation, cooked up by the very same production crew that makes EVERY OTHER HBK MONTAGE. Seriously, they all look the same.
This is in every Shawn Michaels video. I mean it.
For whatever reason, HBK's mindgames did the trick, because that causes Kurt to go absolutely bonkers and make Sherri's "ankle hurt," as he says. What was so enraging about the video? I have to believe it was this shot here.
Heartbreak butts drive Kurt nuts.
In what ended up being the longest match of the night, Kurt beat Shawn at WM21. Yes, they went longer than the Interpromotional Battle Royale, which featured the likes of the Basham Brothers, Rhyno, Luther Reigns, Simon Dean, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, and Maven.
Did you know Maven went to Eastern Mennonite University? He holds the EMU records for most stolen bases in a season, career walks and career on-base percentage. To think I hated him...how foolish of me. Matt's video to Adam- Cactus Jack and Raven promo on Mikey Whipwreck
Adam's response...
Finally, something good. That's not a knock against Matt's video picking abilities, because for the most part, every thing's been gold. It's just that it's always been something terrible we can all "LOL" at. This is actually a legitimately good segment. There's little to get into, because sometimes just watching is all you need. And trust me, friends, it is magic.
Quick note: I'll be using Foley and Cactus interchangeably here because I am a poor writer.
Yes, when ECW fans think back to the good old days, this must be what they think of. Mick Foley was at the top of his game in 1995. What better way to be a heel in ECW then to be a straight ahead face in the WWF/WCW? Especially considering Foley/Cactus's legendary status as a hardcore icon at the time.
A little background: Cactus had been engaging in a feud with Tommy Dreamer, imploring Tommy to sign with WCW, since ECW fans were too demanding. It all stemmed from a real incident where some fan at ECW had a sign that said "Cane Dewey" a reference to the Michael Fay incident in the early 1990s, but replacing Fay with Foley's three old son. This apparently legitimately set Foley off, and thus his new heel persona was born. After eventually losing the feud to Dreamer, Cactus aligned himself with Dreamer's main rival, Raven, and set his sights on Mikey Whipwreck.
Whipwreck was another unique character that could only exist in ECW. Basically, he was a loser who was terrified to get in the ring and would get beat up all the time. The audience had such sympathy for him that eventually they fell in love with him. So much so that he eventually became ECW champion, pinning a pre-Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Anyway, this promo on Whipwreck is awesome, not because it's made out of anger. Or rather, it is anger, but it's legitimate anger. Not the "You called me a jabroni!" or "I want your title" kind of anger. It's the kind of anger that comes from being disappointed in someone you care for. Namely, the ECW fans. Mikey is ECW to the fans. Cactus is your dad.
Seriously, look at the things he's yelling about. Doritos? Rock music (admittedly, I love Leonard Cohen, so I'm siding with Cactus on this one), previous run ins with authority. There's one part I specifically want to mention. It's when Cactus mispronounces the word "barbiturate" and is interrupted by the camera man. The camera man corrects him and Cactus just shrugs it off and pronounces the word correctly. Now this can be interpreted a few ways.
Cactus messed up and lazy old ECW decided to just do one take, and goddamit, that's the one take they got.
A very terrible attempt at humor.
Cactus is focused in his anger, and is a legitimate nice guy (the character he is portraying), that only Mikey Whipwreck upsets him. It's pure, unadulterated hatred.
Still, that's not to say this is perfect. Pretty much it's completely illogical. I can understand if WCW wanted Tommy Dreamer. He's a good looking guy, can work in the ring, and cuts a decent promo. Perfect mid-carder for a major promotion. But "Uncle Vince" wants Mikey Whipwreck? Really? This guy?
"I'm a real toughie!"
Poor Mikey...has to hang with is peers at officially sponsored WWE events...
I'm sure he would have fit right in feuding with the Body Donnas and Razor Ramon. Yup, make mine Raw indeed.
Of course, it does add a new layer of insanity to Cactus's promo. Man, this ruled.
Adam, a native of the Garden State, and Matt, a proud Texan, crossed paths at university. They discovered they're both really into very silly things. Contact them at lolwresslin@gmail.com
FAIL
He may be able to hook a hooka, but Jericho can hook a Snuka.
Umm...Rammy looks a little small there..
"If you've ever seen something sad that rhymes with 'me' then you've seen me"
Nice hat, shit dick.
